Title Less
by Jen19
Summary: **Phrase challenge from Emily and Becky's web page** Archer, Trip, Malcolm and Travis on an away mission. A hole. A falling sky. Shouldn't really be listed under 'Humor', but, hey.....it is! (Please read 'NOTE'/'Chapter Two', cuz you should!!!!)
1. The Story

DISCLAIMER: Don't own any of it. DAMN!  
  
NOTE: This challenge is from Emily and Becky's web page. (www.geocities.com/freeclasscatgirl/trek11.html).  
  
This is my attempt at the "Phrase Challenges". But, me being me, I have decided to try the "Ultimate Challenge." This means I now have to (somehow!) incorporate the following phrases (yes, all of them) into the story:  
  
"Most neonatal amphibians are remarkably tiny." *  
  
"Waz up?"  
  
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"  
  
"Boxer's or Briefs?"  
  
"Paper or Plastic?"  
  
"White or Wheat?"  
  
"I'm a __________, not a __________."  
  
"Yo mama so fat...."  
  
"THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING!"  
  
"Get your filthy paws off of me...."  
  
"Got Milk?"  
  
"Dude, where's our shuttlecraft?"  
  
"Meow, meow ...."  
  
"You did WHAT while I was gone?"  
  
"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"  
  
Any phrase from the theme song.  
  
I fear this. Do you know how difficult it is to come up with a plot that can use these lines??????  
  
Thanks to Emily and Becky for the challenges!  
  
Well, wish me luck.....................  
  
  
  
TITLE-LESS (Meaning I can't think of one!).  
  
Archer, Trip, T'Pol, Malcolm, Hoshi and Travis were gathered around the display screens in the Situation Room. They had come across a planet that showed no bio signs for humanoid life, but seemed to be mainly occupied by amphibian creatures.  
  
"OK," Archer began. "The away team will be Commander Tucker, Lieutenant Reed, Ensign Mayweather and myself."  
  
"No way," Travis said. "I am not going down there, Sir," He said shaking his head. "Big nasty frogs with their big nasty baby frogs." He shivered at the thought.  
  
"Most neonatal amphibians are remarkably tiny." T'Pol said, raising her eyebrow at the Ensign.  
  
"You're scared of frogs?" Hoshi asked. Travis nodded.  
  
"How the hell can ya be scared of frogs?" Trip asked.  
  
"I don't know," Travis said defensively. "I just am!"  
  
"That doesn't matter," Archer said, trying to regain control of the meeting. "Travis, you're coming."  
  
"Aye, Sir." Travis said in defeat.  
  
"We'll depart at 1500 hours." Archer said. "Dismissed."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Commander! Wait up!" Travis called. After the debriefing they had all left to prepare for the away mission.  
  
Trip stopped and waited for the younger man to catch up. "Waz up?"  
  
"Well, Sir, it's a bit of a strange question. But well, I haven't been on to many away missions, and was wondering, well...." He wasn't sure how to ask one of his commanding officers the question he was about to.  
  
"Well......what, Ensign?" Trip asked.  
  
"Well, Sir." Travis took a deep breath. "I was wondering, is it better to wear boxer's of briefs?"  
  
"Pardon?" Trip asked, not sure if he'd heard him correctly. "Boxer's of briefs?"  
  
"Ya know," Travis said, feeling uncomfortable. "Which is more comfortable."  
  
"Well, erm...I suppose it depends on what you normally wear." Trip said. "Just wear what you normally would."  
  
"Oh," Travis said. "Thanks, Commander." Travis smiled at Trip then walked back in the direction he had come from.  
  
"You're welcome." Trip said to the now empty corridor. He shook his head and continued walking towards his quarters.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The four men sat in the shuttle as it approached the planet. Travis sat in the pilots seat with Malcolm next to him. Archer and Trip sat at the back of the shuttle.  
  
"White or wheat?" Archer asked.  
  
"Yeah," Trip said. "It's a great punch line!"  
  
They had been in the shuttle for twenty minutes. Trip and Archer had been telling each other.  
  
"That's a terrible joke!" Archer said, shaking his head. "You wanna hear a joke?" Trip nodded. "OK," Archer continued. "Why did the chicken cross the road?"  
  
"God, Cap'n, that's one of the oldest jokes in the known universe!" Trip said, sighing. "At least mine was original!"  
  
"To be honest, Sirs," Malcolm said turning his chair to face them. "All of the jokes have been terrible."  
  
"You both laughed at mine." Archer said.  
  
"You ordered us too, Sir." Travis said, "You said if we didn't you'd throw us in the brig."  
  
"See," Trip said, "Your jokes sucked too. They only laughed 'cus ya threatened them." He folded his arms and lent back.  
  
"Shut up," Archer said to Trip. "You damned Hillbilly." He added under his breath.  
  
Despite Archers best efforts to cover the insult, Trip still heard. "I am hurt, Cap'n." he said, frowning.  
  
"Your right, sorry." Archer said, feeling guilty for offending his friend.  
  
Trip smiled. "I'm a Redneck, not a hillbilly."  
  
"You know," Archer said, leaning forwards towards Trip. "That's funny." He lent back again. "I actually thought I'd offended you."  
  
"Sir," Travis said from the pilots seat.  
  
"What?" Archer asked.  
  
"We're ready to land."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The shuttle pod landed in the midst of what seemed to be some kind of rain forest. They had left the shuttle and begun to walk north.  
  
"Bet there's all kinds of snakes an' frogs in there," Trip said to Travis.  
  
Travis didn't respond. He just looked at Trip and scowled.  
  
"What the hell is that?" They heard Malcolm say from up ahead.  
  
"What?" Archer asked once he and the others had caught up.  
  
"That." Malcolm repeated, nodding towards a pyramid like building.  
  
"Looks like some kind of temple." Travis said after studying the building for a few seconds.  
  
"What'd ya suppose that means?" Trip asked, pointing at a sign suspended several meters above the door. "Cielo." He said, reading the sign out load.  
  
"Cielo?" Archer asked. Trip nodded. "Isn't that Spanish for sky, or something?"  
  
Trip shrugged. "Should we check it out?" He asked.  
  
"Yeah," Archer said, "We're here the explore. Let's get exploring." He turned to face Malcolm. "After you, Mr Reed."  
  
Malcolm nodded and started to walk towards the building when he suddenly dropped out of view.  
  
"Malcolm!" Archer, Trip and Travis called together, running to where Malcolm had disappeared.  
  
"Sir!" Malcolm called up. "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"  
  
"Great," Archer said, standing at the edge of the pit Malcolm had fallen down. "Are you OK?" He asked.  
  
"I'm fine, Sir," Malcolm called back up. "I'm just stuck down here!"  
  
"Don't worry," Archer called down. "We'll get a rope or something." He turned to Trip and Travis. "Go back to the shuttle. Get a rope or whatever. And hurry up."  
  
"Aye, Sir." Trip said. He nodded at Travis and they left for the shuttle.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"So how come you're scared of frogs?" Trip asked the younger man.  
  
"I don't really know." Travis said. "When I was younger, one of the older boys on the ship told me about Earth and the animals and stuff. We went to the lab to look at the animals." He thought for a moment about what had happened next. "On of the frogs got out of the jar."  
  
"And?" Trip asked.  
  
Travis didn't answer. He was just staring ahead at where the shuttle was. "Commander?"  
  
"Yeah." Trip said, equally as stunned.  
  
"Didn't we leave the shuttle here?" Travis asked, still not looking at Trip.  
  
"Yeah." Trip said again.  
  
Travis looked around them. "Dude, where's our shuttle craft?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"What?" Archer asked.  
  
"The shuttle's not there." Trip repeated.  
  
"What do you mean by 'not there'?"  
  
"What do'ya think I mean? It's not there!"  
  
"There could be something we could use in the Temple, Sir." Travis suggested.  
  
"OK." Archer said. "Travis, you're with me. Trip, you stay here and look after Malcolm."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"What time is it?" Malcolm called up.  
  
"1730." Trip said, looking at his watch. He moved to sit at the edge of the pit. "You OK down there?"  
  
"Oh, I'm brilliant, Trip." Malcolm answered. "You have no idea how much fun it is being down here."  
  
"You don't have t' be sarcastic, y'know."  
  
"I think there's something else down here!" Malcolm called, sounding a little nervous.  
  
"Relax," Trip said. "Travis and the Capt'n'll be back soon."  
  
"Easy for you to say," Malcolm replied. "You're not the one stuck down here."  
  
"Knock Knock."  
  
"God not this again," Malcolm muttered to himself. "Whose there?" He asked.  
  
"Boo."  
  
"Boo Who?"  
  
"Don't cry, Malcolm. We'll have ya outta that hole in no time!"  
  
"Very funny Commander!"  
  
"I know," Trip said smugly. "It's a gift."  
  
"It's a pain, more like." Malcolm muttered to himself.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Archer and Travis had been inside the Temple for just under and hour.  
  
"Find anything?" Trip asked the returning duo.  
  
Archer placed the box he was carrying on the ground. "We found a ladder to get Malcolm out of the hole." He said, indicating to the ladder that Travis was carrying. "And we found a little food. I don't know what it's like, or how long it's been there, but at least it food." He turned to face Travis. "Help Mr Reed out, would you please?"  
  
"Aye, Sir." Travis said, turning his attention to the Lieutenant.  
  
Archer turned back to Trip to find him crouched down and rummaging through the box of food they'd found. "What are you looking for?" He asked.  
  
"Milk." Trip said, getting up to stand next to Archer. "Got Milk?" He asked.  
  
"You're like a cat, you know that don't you?"  
  
"Meow, meow." Trip said.  
  
"HaHa. That's funny Trip."  
  
Trip patted his friend on the back. "I'll take that as a no, then."  
  
"Yeah," Archer said. "And get your filthy paws off of me."  
  
"Oh, Cap'n." Trip said, pretending to be offended. "There's no need to be mean."  
  
"We got water." Archer said, ignoring Trip. "And we've got some cups."  
  
"Paper or plastic?" Trip asked.  
  
"Neither," Archer said, giving Trip an odd look. "They're crock." He turned his attention back to the box. "What use would a paper cup be?" he asked himself.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"What about 'Yo Mamma'?" Travis asked.  
  
"What?" Trip asked.  
  
"'Yo Mamma' jokes."  
  
The four had set up a small campfire just outside the temple and were now sitting around it.  
  
"What like?" Malcolm asked, taking a bite of something he'd found in the box. He wasn't sure if it was a wise idea to eat anything, but he was hungry, and it didn't taste too bad.  
  
"You know," Travis said, looking around the small group. "Like, erm......" he thought for a minute. "Yo Mamma so fat she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops."  
  
Trip chuckled. "That's awful, Travis."  
  
"Just 'cus you can't think of one, Commander." Travis said, sipping his water.  
  
"I can too!" Trip said defensively.  
  
"Go on then," Archer said. "Enlighten us with your comic wisdom."  
  
Trip thought for a while. "Yo Mamma so fat," He paused to think again. "She got on the scales and it said 'one at a time, please.'" He looked at Travis and smiled. "See."  
  
"Very good, Sir." Travis said, laughing.  
  
"What was that?" Malcolm asked.  
  
"I think it was meant to be a joke." Archer said. "I'm not sure."  
  
"No, Sir," Malcolm said. "That?"  
  
"I heard it," Trip said. "Sounded like creaking."  
  
"THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING!" Travis shouted.  
  
"What?" Archer, Trip and Malcolm asked.  
  
"The Cielo is falling!" Travis said slowly, so they'd understand perfectly.  
  
"Jesus Christ!" Trip said, standing and running. Malcolm, Travis and Archer followed.  
  
The huge sign from the temple crashed to the floor with a loud 'bang', smothering the fire they had been sitting around.  
  
"Why the hell did that happen?" Trip asked.  
  
"I have no idea." Archer said. "I think we best try and find the shuttle." He suggested. "Before it gets too dark.  
  
The other agreed, and they left to find the small craft.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"It's been a long time, gettin' from there to here." Archer said.  
  
"What?" Trip said, looking confused. "What the hell are ya goin' on about?"  
  
"I was just saying how it took a long time to find the shuttle." Archer said, embarrassed that someone had heard his poetic outburst. "Is it still flyable?" He asked, trying to change the subject.  
  
"Yeah," Trip said, "It's fine." He gave Archer one last look, then headed toward the shuttle.  
  
As it happens, the shuttle had been exactly where they had left it. But, in there hast, Trip and Travis had gone the wrong way. It had taken them an hour to find the shuttle. But now they had, they could finally go home.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
After landing, Travis and Trip had gone to the Mess Hall. Malcolm was feeling a little ill after eating whatever it was he'd been eating, and had gone to see Doctor Phlox. Archer had gone to his quarter. He was about to have a shower when his door chimed. "Come in." He called.  
  
T'Pol entered the room and stood next to the desk. "Captain."  
  
"T'Pol," Archer said. "Have a seat."  
  
"This will not take long, Captain." She said, placing her hands behind her back. "I have contacted Starfleet and informed them that............."  
  
"Starfleet?" Archer asked. T'Pol nodded. "When?"  
  
"When you were on the surface. I contacted Starfleet........"  
  
"You did WHAT while I was away?" He interrupted again, wondering what she'd been up to now. If he'd learned one thing during his time on Enterprise, it was that he didn't like the way Vulcan's always seemed to be meddling in his affairs.  
  
"I contacted Starfleet and informed them that we believed you were missing." She said. "I believe it may be a good idea for you to contact them and correct the error."  
  
"Thank you, T'Pol," he said, feeling a bit guilty for shouting. "I will."  
  
T'Pol nodded and left the room.  
  
Archer sat down and turned on his computer. His shower would have to wait.  
  
THE END  
  
  
  
A/N: I did it! Hurrah!  
  
OK, It was a stupid story, but you try to come up with a serious plot that makes sense when you've gotta include "Yo Momma so fat........" in it!  
  
Oh, well. I did it. Completed challenge. Very happy with myself.  
  
And if you've read this, you should go and check out Emily and Becky's web page at www.geocities.com/freeclasscatgirl/trek11.html. I really like it........there's a cool 'funny faces' section. Plus, that's where I got the challenges. They've got loads! GO! GO AND SEE FOR YOURSELVES!!  
  
Anyway, LYL, Jen 


	2. I gave you the wrong web address: DOH! H...

Hi. This isn't actually another chapter; it's just a note.  
  
I realised that I gave you the wrong web address - DOH!!  
  
The actual address is:  
  
http://www.geocities.com/freeclasscatgirl/trek1.html  
  
Sorry about that!!  
  
Anyway, LYL, Jen. 


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